A Bad Sense of Humour
by Kittyfox77
Summary: Edward Elric doesn't think he is allowed to find happiness. His past transgressions are just too great to overcome. When he finally gets a hold of happiness, it seems that god was just waiting to snatch it away again.


**Fullmetal Alchemist- A Bad Sense Of Humour**

"We don't have a place to stay, brother." Alphonse called over the howling wind.

"Who needs a place to stay?" Edward yelled back. "Who needs other people? We've got each other, and that's all that matters!" Ed wiped his eyes, fighting the urge to close them. The darkness and the cold made it harder and harder to see.

"But brother, it's a blizzard out here! And you've been walking for hours with only that little jacket. You're arm isn't even working anymore it's so cold!" Alphonse couldn't tell how cold it was out exactly, what with his metal body and all, but Ed's face told him all he needed to know about the temperature- he was turning blue.

"Shut up, Al! Just shut up!" Edward screamed unnecessarily loudly, covering his head with his hands as he crouched down in the snow. He seemed to have wandered into a completely barren area, devoid of trees or life in general, but Ed didn't care. He didn't care about anything. What was the point of caring? Caring only brought suffering.

"Why are you even here, Al? Why should you even care about me? I did that to you; I stole your life from you! And now I'm getting what I deserve…" Edward stared at the snow beneath his feet, wiping his eyes with the only hand that was available to him.

Alphonse moved to stand in front of his brother, even though Ed wasn't looking at him. "Brother, I wasn't lying to you when I told you I didn't hate you-"

"But Al," Edward interjected, "it's been years! I'm 19 already, and we never finished what we set out to do! And I got sidetracked… How can you forgive me for something like that?"

"Brother, despite how lowly you think of yourself, I believe that you deserve your own happiness. I may not be perfectly comfortable in this body, I won't lie about that, but I can still find happiness too. That's what matters. You don't have to make yourself feel miserable to make me happy. Because contrary to your belief, that _won't_ make me happy."

"Well god doesn't agree with you." Edward told the ground dejectedly.

"What?"

"I tried to find my own happiness, even though I worried about you constantly. And that's what happens when I try too hard." Ed vaguely pointed in the direction that they had come from. "God comes with his big, stupid fist and crushes me like an ant." Edward wiped his eyes with a mixture of depression and fatigue.

"Oh, brother…" Alphonse mumbled. He had run out of ways to make his brother feel better. Oh, who was he fooling? He couldn't make his brother feel better after that.

"It was just an accident." Alphonse tried for a consoling point, but failed miserably.

"Just an accident?" Edward roared, finally looking up from the ground and standing up again. "You might as well keep going with that. Just say that my whole life was an accident!"

"But-"

"She's dead, Alphonse! Dead! Don't you see? God has a hilarious sense of humour, doesn't he? He knew just how to make me pay for stepping on his toes! He'd make sure I killed both of the people I love the most! Hilarious, right?" Edward yelled, the tears he had so frequently tried to wipe away now freely flowing down his face.

"It was only an accident, Ed."

"Oh yeah, just like when we tried to bring mom back. You want to tell me that was an accident too? It was deliberately planned- we spent years fixing every last detail. God planned for me to do this. He wanted me to get close to her so I could kill her myself." The tears continued to run as he explained.

"There was nothing you could have done." Al tried vainly.

"Like hell there wasn't." Edward seethed. "I could have stayed away from her, like I had been doing for years. I just wanted to keep her safe, and when we decided to stop chasing after the Philosopher's Stone, I thought she would be safe. But then… I can't believe this even happened."

The wind whipped more and more fiercely. The brothers had been walking away from the worst of the blizzard, but it seemed to have followed them to this desolate area.

Looking back, Alphonse could just barely make out a building. Hoping he was right, Al made the assumption that that was the building where they had gone to school as children. He tried to get his bearings as to where they were based on that fact. If he was right, they should be about 8 kilometers from the Rockbell's, where they had originally left from.

"Ed, we should get back. It's really mean of us to leave Granny alone at a time like this."

"Al," Ed asked, looking up at his brother pleadingly, "how can I go back there? What am I going to say to her? I killed Winry! How could she ever let me into her house after something like that?"

"Brother," Al said slowly, "you're just going to have to apologize. There's nothing else you can do now."

"Al, how can you be so calm at a time like this?"

"I'm not calm, brother. In fact, I'm dying, and I just want to lash out and punch something. I want to cry and scream and throw a fit…. But I won't. At least, not until I know you won't let yourself freeze to death out here."

"Al…" Ed ran up and hugged his brother fiercely. "I've let you down again. I'm so selfish, I wouldn't even give you time to grieve. I'm sorry."

"It's alright, brother. But will you go back inside now? I don't know how much longer you'll last out here."

"O.K, I guess I have to." Edward started walking back quickly, and Alphonse knew he was trying to hide his tears from his brother. His brother's shaking shoulders gave away the silent sobs that were escaping him.

Both brothers didn't know exactly how they would face the tragedy that they had left. After all, tonight was meant to be a joyous occasion, albeit a stressful one. Having a baby was an intense affair, as both Edward and Alphonse had experienced before.

In fact, both Elrics had been in the exact type of situation that they had faced only hours before. Winry had gone into labour, and everyone except Granny had completely panicked. Even Den was a mess, running around whimpering as Winry screamed her lungs out.

Once calmer, Winry had told Ed what to do to keep her relaxed as Granny called the doctor. Except, when Granny called, the only response she received was to go outside. And once outside, Granny realized the huge problem that was now on her hands. A blizzard was coming!

"There's already enough snow out there to stop the doctor, and the blizzard will keep him away for a few days at the least."

"Does it look like I have a few days?" Winry screamed so loudly that Ed covered his ears.

Despite the complication at hand, Winry and Granny had enough experience to guide everything smoothly, until there was another complication.

Before Ed knew it, Winry was slipping away from him, and falling into an abyss he could never reclaim her from. He had screamed for her, screamed at Granny to help him, screamed at Alphonse to come in and do something, but there was nothing to be done. The baby never even took a breath. Edward saw that it had been a boy, and he wished more than anything that little Maes could have lived along with his mother.

Al had never stopped saying that it was an accident, but Ed couldn't believe that. There was one fact that just wouldn't leave him alone. Without meaning to, he said it aloud, and hearing the jaded, confused tone of his voice only made him feel worse.

"It barely ever snows in Risembool…"

A/N: For a contest for the Risembool Rangers. A fantastic group. 3 Wish me luck! Feedback is the best thing a writer can get, and I LOVE criticism. At this point, I don't even care if it's mean. Whatever. I doubt anyone can break my already desolated self-esteem. So come on, gimme your best shot!

Yes, their child would totally be named after Hughes. Yes, I added that to make you want to punch me.

I also had a dream last night were Hughes fell into a freezing lake and froze to death in front of Gracia and Elicia. It was GOD AWFUL. I seriously woke up teary eyed. And whatever Elicia said, gosh I wish I could remember it! It was so sad.

So yeah, please excuse the awfulness of this, but that dream last night made me do it!

Oh right, I finally remembered to say that I don't own FMA. Because I wouldn't have had the heart to kill Hughes if I did. 


End file.
